man, i remember this, this was my world, all we knew, all we hung out with all we talked about the people who babysat me the people we lived with the people who slept on our couch the people we visited in the hospital us kids who ironically used together the kids i babysat, they're all the same, same stories same smokey laugh and wrinkles same sayings same amused feeling when the 'nice old lady' tells some real fucked up story he tells me about the latest kid how her mom's in jail the difference in dopamine receptors for coke and meth and remember the coke in Tampa? and how you don't have to cook meth anymore and oh remember lisa? yeah she jumped in front of a train few months back and it's a good thing you grew up with it all so it lost it's glamour and don't med students drink a lot? well you got it in your blood ya know you need to be careful...
he got up from the restaurant table, outside to smoke a cigarette
they immediately turned to me, 'let us get your phone number in case anything happens youknownottoscareyoubuthegetsdepressedandallandwewouldn't
knowwhotocallifsomethingweretohappenyou'retheonlyfamilywe
knowofhehardlyeverleavesthehouseandwejustwantyoutoknow
thatit'sokthatyouleftyoushouldn'tfeelguiltyaboutwantingtobeina
betterplacegettinganeducationandallyoudidtherightthingand
we'resoproudofyou...' and on and on as i pinched an unseen piece of skin on the back of my neck to keep from losing it, i've gotten soft in my old age and i hate crying in public, and it's glaring in my face where i can't just not answer the phone, he's sick and i'm it, and i left, i abandoned them to save myself and i don't care and i don't feel guilty and i don't give a fuck, but sometimes i do, and i knew it would be like this, coming back, too many memories, too many old stories, too many dead people, and i hate coming back, but i feel like i'm betraying the place i came from, like i can't forget that girl, she's relying on me to make it all worthwhile, and who do you think you are don't forget, you're not from Texas and you're not from Westlake and you'll never belong in the six-figure world